...I have lately felt like singing this song from Adele. Mainly because I feel like the song describes my feelings at the moment perfectly.
And no, it isn't because I had some massive breakup (the song isn't even about breakup, despite it sounding like one), but because the message behind it. I feel like I'm at the moment in the edge. Edge of something extremely terrifying... Before this point it hasn't really hit me in my face that I'm actually old. (Well, not that
old, but still.) That after this point I'll just get stupider each coming year and my general time of everything
is running out slowly, but surely.
I wonder what made me realize this change, but it has happened and I feel just...horrible. I feel like I've missed many things, messed up more and gained absolute nothing. I've lost touch with some amazing friends (some who I still miss dearly), never really dated (and thus never felt the whole 'butterflies in my stomach feeling'), my career path is all in pieces because I never knew what I wanted from life (and I still don't know/can't reach those/because my family's exceptions) and even after everything I haven't really done anything. I feel numb and scare I'll end up bitter, because of this all. I feel like I should have lived, but even to this day I don't know how? What it means 'to live'? I still don't have answer to this... I'm not sure if this is my usual Spring depression (I tend to get during Springs little bit down), or because I've been lately sick (and one of my sickness doesn't seem to get rid off), but I'm feeling down. Hopefully this feeling will change into a positive one- one that makes me accept the fact I've grown (and I'll grow even more, but it's alright. That there are still many new opportunities in life) and I shouldn't look back with bitterness or sort of. That I wouldn't feel as hopeless as I'm feeling at the moment.I wonder when you're too old to watch anime or read manga? Many people seem to think either there is certain age or never, but it makes me wonder...is it okay to watch anime/read manga when you're 30 or 90 or something in-between?